5 Things Toddlers do that Lead to a Better Life

As a mother of four, I have experienced a lot of those unbelievably funny, gross, frustrating and overwhelming moments in life. I've had those days when I wonder what I was thinking. But I have begun to realize that my children have a LOT to teach me. The thing is, since having children my life has been filled with more joy, laughter, and love than ever before. (Don't worry, this is NOT a post about how people with kids have fuller lives than those who don't.) It just got me thinking, how has acting more like my children changed my life for the better? Well, here are five of the things that have changed my life--and maybe they could do the same for you!

1) Laugh when they fall down. This is one of my daughters' favorite games. Yes, I said game. They fall down, laugh hysterically, and get back up again--only to fall down in laughter! This is the complete opposite of an adult's normal reaction to a fall. We adults tend to react to our trips and stumbles with tears and self-loathing and maybe even a ton of binging on wine and chocolate (not that I would know anything about it).  Yet as a parent, I have found that the bigger of a deal I make a fall, the harder my daughters will take it. If I laugh it off, so do they! And you know what? Most falls in life really aren't as bad as we adults make them out to be. Laughing more and self-loathing less....the affect is instant and priceless!

2)  Announce when they poop. Oh, I don't mean calmly  and privately letting me know so I can assist them with wiping. I mean running into the living room, undies in hands, and screaming with pride, "I made a big poopy!" Oh yes. This happens. And why not? We all poop. And to be honest, I can't tell you the number of times I've had a particularly wonderful #2 experience and felt weird wishing I had someone to tell. The truth is, we have been taught to feel shame for a bodily function we ALL experience. By letting go of shame over a ridiculously normal act, we can learn to let go of shame for other things too...think periods, farts, snorting laughs, love of Lady Gaga--whatever happens to be on your blushing list.

3) Applaud everything! And I do mean everything. Every song, every twirl, every pouring of a cup of tea or pretending to be a horse. They applaud themselves. They applaud me. It may be something I have done a million times, but to them it is a task I should be proud of--even if it is loading the dishwasher or mooing like a cow. So why don't we adults applaud ourselves--and each other--more? Could you imagine the change in your attitude if you received cheers every time you turned in a report or folded a load of laundry? What if we said a (sincere, excited, high energy) thank you and congratulations every time someone we love did something positive?  How quickly would we change the course of our lives, and the lives of those around us?

4) Cheer and give hugs every time they see me. This is may favorite part of every day. I open the front door, peek around the corner, and witness the pure joy of my daughters running to greet me, screaming "Mama!" with arms wide open.  I know there will come a day when this does not happen. Every time it does, I hug them tightly and promise God not to forget this feeling ever. Yet, when we see those we love, we often take for granted their presence. We may see them everyday. We may have known they were on their way. Yet, I have known far too many people who had plans to see someone...that never arrived. Let's not take our loved ones for granted. Let's exclaim how much we missed them, how incredible they are, how much they mean to us. Don't leave any words unspoken or hugs left in empty arms.

5)  Say no. Ok, so I admit that this one is not often something I enjoy my daughters doing. When they don't want to, when they don't like it, when they think it's not fair or ok, the no's start coming out loud and clear! And while this isn't always the best thing for me (believe me, nap time was a struggle today), I have learned how easy--and important--it is to say no. How often do you say no to something you don't want to do? How often do you say no to something that feels wrong or not for you? Society teaches us to be agreeable, pleasing to others, appropriate in situations. Does that mean we should disregard our own feelings for everyone else's? Maybe it's time for us to admit when we need to say no, and stand up for our needs by stepping away when we need to.

There you go! Just five things my daughters have taught me to make my life a better one. I hope my sharing their little toddler wisdom can help you make your life a little better also.

The Cardinal Rules of the BSTs (a.k.a. A History of My BST Mess Ups)

Vocabulary Explanation for this post:
BST = Buy/Sell/Trade
TV/MV = Trade Value/Market Value
FSOT = For Sale or Trade
Stash = Collection of baby carriers
MMAO/MMARO = Make Me An Offer/Make Me A Reasonable Offer
PM = Private Message



A third title to this post could be "My Deeply Apologetic Letter to L.C.", the initials representing the babywearing mama whom I less than tactfully broke one of these rules with when attempting to negotiate a trade once. I did not end up completing the trade, but I did learn a very good lesson. Thankfully, she was kind enough to help me better understand how BSTing works, even after I had been ignorantly disrespectful to her. The only thing that made me feel less guilty was knowing I was not the only newbie on the BST groups to have broken a rule or two. "Babywearers Beware" stories pop up rather regularly, critiquing the tact of buyers or sellers in how they do business. And if you are new to the babywearing community, let me tell you this: it's a small world after all, and you will encounter these babywearing parents again, so choose your interactions wisely.

That being said, if you are new to the world of BSTs, how do you know what is ok and what is not regarding sales and negotiations? Well, that is where this post comes in. This will not cover everything under the sun (and I'm not talking Butterfly Baby Co.), but should give you a strong jumping off point for diving into the BST groups head on! So, read, take notes, and get started on growing that stash!

Read the BST Group Rules

The first thing you should do the moment you join a BST group is read the rules. Every BST group is different, and reading the rules prevents you from pissing off the all-powerful Admin and looking like a dork. Even people who have read the rules once sometimes need a refresher, so don't assume you know it all or that they're all the same. Take the time to do this so your FSOT post isn't deleted before it's read!

Give Full Disclosure When Selling

As a seller, it may be tempting to pretend that tiny coffee stain isn't there, or that you didn't notice the small pull that you're (almost 87%) certain won't affect the safety of the wrap. The thing is though, carriers aren't cheap. Even carriers sold in the budget swap groups are still a pretty penny to the low to middle income family, and they deserve their money's worth. If you know your carrier isn't perfect, say so and explain why. It may not matter to the buyer or it may ruin the sale. But finding out which one beforehand saves you a lot of hassle afterward.

Ask All the Questions Before Buying

Yes, the seller should list all imperfections or concerns in their For Sale posting, but you know what you get for assuming, right? It is up to YOU to make sure YOUR soon-to-be-wrap is everything YOU expect it to be when it arrives. So, ask questions. Request more pictures. In a variety of lighting! Even feel free to get seller's feedback on what they liked or disliked about it. You may not want to create hassle, but remember that this is a big purchase and you want to like what you're paying for.

Be Paypal Ready

In the world of online BSTs, the payment method is pretty standard: Paypal. While this method is not completely fool proof, it does allow for a mostly seamless transaction--as long as you are prepared. Let me put it this way, you wouldn't walk up to the checkout with a cart full of groceries and ask the cashier to hold your items while you go look at your mom's house for your purse. Buying a carrier is no different. It is unfair to the seller and other potential buyers to make an agreement to purchase a carrier, then disappear for hours or days because you need to transfer funds or set up an account. It may result in you being skipped over for a wrap you deeply want or finding yourself the topic of not-so-kind feedback at the end of the day.

Always Use Goods/Services

If you are new to Paypal, then it is easy to think that sending money via Friends or Family (also known as "gifting") is the way to go. After all, no fees equals more money, right? The problem with this mindset is that there is no legal protection if you send or receive money this way. Get your wrap in the mail and find it's more holes than fabric? Send your wrap to a buyer and they suddenly cancel payment? You can submit a claim for any purchase made through Goods and Services! Oh, you sent or received your money through Friends and Family? Oops. Sucks to be you!

Do not question selling price or TV

In the world of BSTs, there will always be the seller that over prices their carrier. Whether they are doing so out of sentimental value, in anticipation for negotiations, or because they simply don't know the value of their wrap, it is important to remember one thing: they get to choose how much value their carrier holds to them. Don't agree with their value choice? Then don't buy it. Interested in buying it but hoping to do so for a slightly lower price? Then phrase your offer this way: "I would love to purchase your wrap but can only afford ______ at this time." or "I am interested in trading your wrap for mine, but am unable to offer more than ____ in paypal at this time." Notice that both of these statements speak to what you are willing to give, instead of stating what you believe you should have to give.

Do Not Post Offers in Comments

Now that you've learned how to make an offer for a carrier, now it's important to know where to make your offer. Just as it is tactless to discuss money in a public social setting (imagine asking someone how much they make in their job at a dinner party), it is also impolite to make an offer or ask if they would take less money in the comments of their post. In fact, many sellers believe it isn't tactful to offer a lower amount unless specifically stated "MMAO" or "MMARO". But if you are very seriously interested and wish to make an offer you can afford, the best way to do this is to write PM in the comments, and send them a private message with your offer of purchase or trade for them to review,

Do Not Low-Ball the Seller

While making an offer in private is more tactful than doing so in public, there is a point when a low offer is too low. Low-Balling the seller is generally considered to be when you make an offer of less than $50 of the stated price or 25% less than priced (for low-budget or high-end priced carriers). While making an offer may be acceptable or encouraged, it is important to recognize that low-balling sends an entirely different message. If you don't believe a wrap is worth the price, don't insult the seller by low-balling. Simply look for a different wrap. The truth is, a low-ball offer tends to say more about the buyer than the seller.

Always Check Feedback Before BSTing

Since the world of BSTs takes place on the oh-so-magical interwebz, chances are you will be doing business with complete strangers. While most of these strangers are your everyday, fellow babywearing enthusiasts, it is important to remember that there may or may not be a bad apple out there trying to take advantage of your naivety. Because of this possibility, it is integral that you check the feedback link of anyone you are considering BSTing with. What is a feedback link? It is a link to an album for people who has done business with a person to leave feedback regarding how that business went! This makes it easier for you to determine if you want to take the risk of BSTing with a specific person. What if a person does not yet have any feedback, you ask? At that point you must decide if you want to do business with someone who is new to the BSTs. The truth is, we all started out with no feedback, and you yourself may not have any yet. But this is another reason why it's good to use Goods and Services. It's simply safer that way.

Always Buy Insurance When You Ship

Whether shipping overnight or standard five-day postal service, it is outright crazy not to spend a few dollars it takes to make sure you'd get your money back if a shipment is lost. The truth is that packages get lost more often than we'd care to admit, and if you only use the $50 insurance that comes with a flat-rate envelope, you may find yourself out $150 if they lose your $200 wrap! Believe me, it's worth the $2-5 worth of insurance to not hold your breath until your wrap makes it from Malibu to Omaha!

Leave Feedback

So you bought or sold your carrier, had a lovely ol' time, and are ready to move on with life, yes? No! It is courteous to always leave feedback on the person's feedback link so others can have an accurate idea of what BSTing with that person was like. In the same manner, it is important to send your feedback link to the person you did business with so they can leave feedback on yours! Don't be afraid to remind them if they don't get to it right away. Feedback help builds your street cred on the BSTs, so it's worth following up on!


If you are already following these rules, then props to you for being awesome! I learned some of these the hard way, and others by reading the stories of fellow babywearers. Hopefully, this list will help you navigate the BSTs like a BOSS from now on!

Stories of Hope

A friend wrote me to me recently to offer support for my postpartum depression. Amid the words of support and love, she asked a sincere question that has been echoing in my mind ever since: 

"I am not sure why people are so scared to speak up about postpartum depression, do they think that it makes them a bad person or a bad mom?"

Prior to my own diagnosis with PPD, I was a very passionate advocate for mothers who struggled with this illness. I offer unfailing support to those who mentioned they were in a dark place. I encouraged them to seek help and assured them that there was nothing to be ashamed of. The question above often lingered in my mind, as it was obvious to me this was an illness and something that could be easily treated if they would just be willing to admit to someone what was going on.

Then, when my fourth child was born, I was diagnosed with Postpartum Depression.

The truth is, everything I told struggling mothers was true. There is nothing to be ashamed of. It is treatable if you will seek help. It's not you, it's the illness. But no one could have convinced me of these things when I found myself in the darkness. How could I not be a bad mother? I screamed at my daughters daily, for no reason at all. When my 2 year old daughter accidentally broke her training potty, I threw it across the room as my irrational rage-filled words brought her to uncontrollable shaking and weeping. I found myself increasingly needing to hide in the bathroom, as the intrusive thoughts that filled my head turned violent and irrational. I couldn't even trust myself to be in the same room with my children. 

I am forever grateful for a strong, supportive husband who immediately offered to take the children to his parents so I could go to my doctor. I am forever grateful for a knowledgeable, compassionate doctor who took the time to listen to my confessions and in the end take my hand and say, "You are not a bad mother. This is an illness, and we will treat it. You are not alone." I am also forever grateful for supportive friends like the one who recently wrote to me, reminding me that Postpartum Depression is not only not something that defines my worth as a mother, but is also an illness that needs to be discussed more openly so the stigma of "bad mother" can be torn down.

I must once again say thank you to Risaroo Baby Carriers for their release of Hope in the Dark, the handwoven Girasol wrap designed to represent Postpartum Depression. Their willingness to bring awareness to this illness has given many mothers the confidence to speak up about their own struggles and even seek help for the first time. Some of these mothers shared their experiences with me, including stories of compassion and support by fellow babywearers, and I want to take this opportunity (with their permission) to share their stories with you. Each one teaches us something about PPD that most people do not know! Let's continue sharing our stories and breaking down stigmas wherever we can.

Ashley P.'s Lesson: PPD can linger for years if we don't ask for help!

"I wanted to share my "Hope in the Dark" story with you. I had my first 8 1/2 years ago. Nothing went as expected (told at 20 weeks it was a girl found out at 37 it was a boy, turned into an induced labor for nearly 48 hours resulting in a c-section). I ended up with undiagnosed ppd, I was too ashamed to talk to anyone about my feelings. I don't remember most of his first year of life. I had my second son 4 years later and never felt the baby blues, instead I was the happiest I had ever been. Except I still had ppd when it came to my oldest. I now have a 1 year old little girl and still get short and anxious with my oldest. I broke down crying when I read about Hope and what it stands for, and called right then to make an appointment to talk with my primary doctor to see what can be done. I knew I needed Hope in the Dark in my life, but like many I did not have receive the [Right to Buy]. I congratulated the winners on Risaroo's post and 30 minutes later a wonderful momma reached out to me. She won RTB a [Ring Sling] and wanted to let me buy it at retail from her. I was going to do layaway if I won, and she said that was fine. We have set up a payment plan and I will be snuggling my baby in our new RS in 3 weeks. I was once again in tears when she reached out to me saying she just wanted it to go to somebody who would give it the love it deserves."

Piper N.'s Lesson: PPD can come on as a result of pregnancy or infant loss!

"I've always struggled with pregnancy, I miscarried twins before I met my husband...and did my best to "get back to normal" as quickly as I could.
After meeting my husband, and realizing THIS was the father to my children. It was time to start our family! Our pregnancy with sweet Addie was amazing. She was a mexican food lover! We made it until the bitter end, but sadly, she was stillborn....the loss of Addie shattered my soul. I had to consciously think about breathing in, and out. My arms were just as empty as my heart, and after a few months I decided I wanted to try again. Avery, our second daughter, didn't make it either. Why wasn't I good enough? Every day was torture, I had no idea what was wrong with me. After many many tests, we foundy blood clotting disorder. Thank you God? At least we know, right? So I took my time processing if we wanted to try again or adopt. We chose to try one more time. We tried for what seemed like forever, and finally, my pickle face (wherever that came from!) Charlie came along. I did everything I could think of. Ate things I couldn't pronounce, took shots in my stomach every day, twice a day....and nine months later, for the first time in my title as a mother, I got to hear that cry! The most glorious day of my life. After coming home, my milk wasn't coming in, and everyone was pressuring me to give him formula....I couldn't sleep....he couldn't sleep...he was hungry...I constantly felt terrible. Physically and emotionally I was exhausted. I noticed myself thinking that if I couldn't make him happy, I should go....he deserves to be happy, you can't do that. So I called my doctor. After seeing her, it all came up...I want Addie. I want Avery. I want my family. What color were their eyes? Why didn't I pay more attention?! Why didn't I soak more in?!...she also sent me to get checked for a blood clot...where I was put in the hospital for a huge DVT...then went back the same day I was released with "the most pulmonary embolisms ever recorded at this hospital"....I spent a week in the ICU....I didn't think my depression could get any worse. ..but that did it. Getting home I was a shell...I tried to push my sadness out of the way for a couple of months and noticed myself feeling better, until I had another emergency hospital stay, this time for two weeks...he won't even know me anymore...I couldn't be a mom to any of my children. Everything came rising back up. And oh how it stings... I've been back home for a couple of months now...I am doing quite a bit better by just living in the moment with my son...and FINALLY, after almost three years, I finished Addie's headstone design. She will have it by her birthday....it sounds odd, but that has been a HUGE hurdle for me...we lost Avery too early on for her to have had a burial, so I incorporated little things to symbolize the entire family. I'm shocked at how much lighter I feel...it's a struggle every day, but I am absolutely honored to have been the one to spend every second of their life with them, and am thrilled to watch my son thrive. Bitter, bittersweet. Wrapping my son close has given me such a full heart...something so simple, changed my life. I get to make sure I experience every second, every smile, fart, and giggle....this, is what I've been waiting for. No matter how rough my day is, swaying heart to heart with that little man always lifts me up."

Leslie F.'s Lesson: Talking about our PPD can be therapeutic!

"So I had my first pregnancy about 3 years ago but I was not in a good place in life.. I was drinking a lot and abusing a couple of substances. It was a dark time for me since I had an uncle and a cousin both die right before I found out.. My cousin died at the age of 8 of a disease that he got because his mom drank and did drugs not knowing she was pregnant... Just like me. I couldn't find the courage to tell anyone or do anything than get an abortion. It was and still is the hardest thing I ever did and still feel sadness over this... anyways soon after I had the abortion I got pregnant.. Again... This time I didn't want to do the same thing as before.. I wanted to get better and be a better person for the little growing inside of me.. I stopped drinking and started to quit the other drugs I was on and almost got completely sober.. That's when I went for an ultrasound and they discovered I had miscarried.. It broke my heart and my spirit.. I felt like I was being cosmically punished for the mistake I had made initially with my abortion.. I felt like I was worthless as a woman who was unfit to be a mother. It took me months of regressing and then self inflicted rehab to finally get myself in shape and clean from everything. I was finally coming to terms with the fact that I was not a horrible person, but rather a girl who had lost her way and made mistakes while doing so.. But I was starting to feel better again and I was getting into the best shape of my life. It was about that time that I stopped getting my period and started feeling nauseous just like before.. And to my happy, guarded surprise I found out I was pregnant again! Fast forward to now, my baby is 11 months old and thriving. It is beyond a joy to have her in my life... But there's always that nasty PPD which likes to follow me around and remind me of the past and constantly make me feel lesser than I (most of the time) know I am. It's hard. And as I sit here writing this alone in my dirty house that I'm supposed to be cleaning while hubs is at school and my baby with my dad, I can only cry silently for relief. I'm not sure why but this is how I spend my free alone time, silently crying, trying to get it all out so I can put my smile back on when everyone gets home. I still am struggling every day. It's not easy but I'd like to think I'm strong for remaining hopeful that one day I won't just sit here and cry, and that the fake smile I put on for everyone will one day be real... That's why this wrap would mean the world to me, even if I don't win though, I'd like to thank whoever reads this for hearing me. I've never verbalized any of this to anyone and feel a sense of liberation just from writing this."

Stacy D.'s Lesson: PPD can affect those who become parents via Surrogacy or adoption!

" I am a mother via surrogacy and adoption and had no idea that I could experience PPD. But you can!!! The chemicals of holding and feeding and loving on a newborn can trigger REAL PPD! I experienced a combination of PPD and infertility-related PTSD that hit me like a wall. It took support groups and a year off from work in disability leave to find my footing again. I didn't talk about it with ANYONE because I thought, "What right do I have, to experience PPD when I fought so hard to have babies???" But feelings and chemicals are real. And having everything about your life turned upside down, even when it's a good thing, is terrifying. Even if you know, with all your heart, how fortunate you are to have your precious babies. It is not a reflection of your gratitude for them. It is OK to talk about it. It is OK to be imperfect. 
heart emoticon Oh! I should mention! When I was REALLY struggling to bond with my daughter, and was feeling hopeless and panicked and like a complete failure, baby-wearing worked a miracle. Every night, I would put her in my Lenny Lamb, and she would fight it at first. But within a few minutes, she would be snuggling, and then she would be sleeping. I would just hold her and smell her and kiss her head, and within a couple of months, she went from not caring who was holding her, to crying when I left her sight. You'd think that was a bad thing, but it was the sweetest relief for me in my PPD fog, to know that she knew I was her mother. Especially because I didn't carry her."

Amanda M.'s Lesson: The memories may linger, but the PPD can end with help!

"Ppd is slowly going away but I will never forget the horrible thoughts that were once in my head. I desperately wanted this wrap and then I read your last article. Babywearing helped me through my worst days, but it was those specific wraps, his cuddles, that helped me. No mother should ever suffer so thank you for making it to where others know it's ok to not be ok."

***If you are concerned about your own maternal mental health, please feel free to check out www.postpartumprogress.com to learn more about the sign and symptoms of illness, and the steps you can take to get better.***

Postpartum Depression, Babywearing, and HOPE

In a home in Warren, Massachusetts, a mother stared in disbelief. Her Wrap Converted Mei Tai (WCMT) laid on the floor, frayed and partially eaten by a puppy with rather expensive taste. How could she have left it out? What would she tell the buyer? She shook away the tears coming to her, already overwhelmed with family struggles and the possibility of losing loved ones any day now. She took to her messages to try to explain to the buyer what had happened...

Meanwhile, in a home in Manor, Texas, a mother wept in her husband's arms. She confessed the overwhelming fear, sorrow, rage, and anxiety that had consumed her every thought. How could her husband still love her? Why would anyone think her worthy to care for her children? He brushed the tears from her eyes and promised they would find help to fix the intrusive thoughts and that he would never leave her. Too overwhelmed with her worry to sleep, she took to her messages to try to focus on something good...

The announcement of a new Girasol Exclusive release came this week. Without any background, the design is breathtakingly flawless, though it is not difficult to tell that a deeper story must have inspired such poignant beauty. Risaroo, the company releasing this gorgeous design, offered the following insight to this design: "Our newest Girasol Exclusive, Hope in the Dark, was designed to illustrate, through color, the struggles with postpartum depression." 

Photo from Risaroo's Facebook Page 

The response to this wrap thus far has been astounding. Mothers have spoken up about their own maternal mental illness with a rare openness and confidence than I have ever seen before. They have also begun to share about the babywearing community's role in their journey to recovery. You see, there is something very comforting and healing about physical touch, especially between a mother and her infant. In cases of the "typical" pregnancy, a mother holds her baby in her very womb, nourishing and caring for her little one for nine months. Even for mothers with complete mental health, the separation of mother from child after birth can cause a fair amount of stress and longing. For the mother suffering from postpartum illness of any kind, this stress can multiply tenfold. So, it should come as no suprise, though it is often not considered, that babywearing--the process of using a carrier or wrap to keep one's baby close more often--is beneficial to both mother and infant during the various stages of development after birth.

In the story above, I was, and still am, the mother weeping in her husband's arms. We have sought help, both medicinally and therapeutically, and we take life day by day, thanking God for the good days and reminding ourselves they will come again when the storm of bad days arrive. The mother whose wrap was affected by her precious little puppy did contact the buyer--who happened to be me. She told me she couldn't sell me the carrier, because it was no longer the same as it once was. I asked if the integrity of the carrier had been changed, if it had become unsafe. She assured me it hadn't, that she even had a plan of how to effectively patch up the torn parts and repair it. I began to cry. I told her I would still very much like to have it. Somehow for me it symbolized my own journey through Postpartum Depression: I was torn apart by the experience, but I was getting help to repair myself, and my integrity and ability to care for my children as I had been made to do was not changed. She willingly repaired the carrier and offered to give it to me for any price I could afford, so as not to add to my stress or anxiety. 

My "Perfect for Me" Mei Tai

The Risaroo exclusive Girasol wrap, Hope in the Dark, will be released on September 28th, at 2pm CDT. I am among many women who would love to own something made to represent our very struggles and beauty. The chances of me getting to purchase one, and being able to afford it, are slim. But I know that my HOPE is not found in a single wrap. It is not found in the threads or the color. Instead, as many mothers can attest I am sure, my hope is found in the support of my husband and loved ones. My hope is found in the ability to caryy my baby close to me during times of struggle. And my hope is found in the loving acceptance and encouragement of the babywearing community, represented by many like the mother who sold me that repaired carrier and offered to be there for me, a stranger, whenever I needed a friend.

Thank you.

***If you are concerned about your own maternal mental health, please feel free to check out www.postpartumprogress.com to learn more about the sign and symptoms of illness, and the steps you can take to get better.***