Photograph Me Breastfeeding

 Photo by Leilani Rogers 

*This piece was originally posted on The Catholic Mama*

There is no moment that makes me feel more beautiful, strong, and proud than the moment I am able to comfort and nourish my daughter--the human being I grew within my womb--with food I create from my own breasts. It is beautiful, both in its intrinsic bond between us and also the serene nature of this act in itself. It represents the incredible design of a mother's body, as well as the determination and persistence one requires to push onward with breastfeeding despite the many challenges breastfeeding mothers often face. So, why is it that when I breastfeed my child in front of others, their instinct is not to capture this miraculous moment in a frame but to avert their eyes and ignore my very presence in the room?

I have been pregnant and/or breastfeeding for pretty much the last five years of my life. I am currently breastfeeding. And I have begun to notice something. We do not have many pictures of me. There are tons of pictures of my daughters, my husband, grandparents, friends...yet my photographic presence seems to be missing lately. Perhaps it has to do with how often I am the one holding the camera, but I started paying attention to others as they took their photos. With all of the best intentions I'm sure, I would watch the camera/phone come out, the scanning of the room, and then the embarrassed flush of the cheeks and quickly turning away once they realized I was breastfeeding. Even those who were completely comfortable with me breastfeeding would sometimes say something along the lines of "Oh, I'll let you finish first" as though the act was fine as long as it wasn't captured on film.

Now, I get it. Our society has thoroughly sexualized the female breast. However, I am not trying to turn anybody on when breastfeeding. News flash: breasts were created for feeding babies first and foremost. It's just science. So, I am not ashamed of my need to expose my breast for the purpose of feeding my children--in fact, I'm quite proud of it! I have worked very hard to be able to successfully breastfeed, like most breastfeeding mothers have experienced, and I am simply saying that I would appreciate it if people would stop viewing this accomplishment as some sort of embarrassing act that I should keep out of our picture frames and shutterfly books. 

There is a professional photographer named Leilani Rogers in Austin, TX who photographs the subjects of births, newborns, and breastfeeding. She describes her profession as "a love for snapping the rare, magical moments that all families experience". I was so excited the day I found this amazing woman, who understood that breastfeeding was "rare" and "magical" and needed to be captured on film! She believed this so much that she founded the Public Breastfeeding Awareness Project (PBAP), which is a group of 75 photographers around the world who work to normalize breastfeeding in public through their beautiful photography of these moments. Leilani, as a child, was amazed at the ability to preserve moments in history for hundreds of years through the act of photography. I wonder how much of our history is lost forever because we continue to stigmatize the mothers in our communities who give of their very bodies to provide nourishment to future generations. 

Here is some of the incredible work of Leilani and other PBAP photographers:

PBAP is rare, however, in how most photographers (from anyone with an iPhone to those who get paid to do it) view breastfeeding and whether it is appropriate to capture the act on camera. For this reason, mothers have started resorting to their own ability to photograph by taking selfies of them breastfeeding--an act that has now been coined the #brelfie. Across social media, mothers have begun to show their beauty and pride as breastfeeding mothers by posting their #brelfie to be seen and shared. Oddly enough, in a society where selfies are the norm and many people post them daily, #brelfies get a lot of criticism for "seeking attention", "inappropriate content", and "lack of modesty". So, not only will no one else take my picture, but now I am not supposed to take it either?

Listen everyone, I am proud of my breastfeeding. I worked hard to get it right. I fight through sickness and pain and comfort to do it. I sacrifice to give my child nourishment and health. THAT is what you should see when you catch me breastfeeding near you. THAT is what you should think of me when you judge my breastfeeding near you. And THAT is why you should want to take my picture. Because I am a beautiful, proud, strong, and selfless mother who deserves recognition in history. Even if for no other reason than I gave of myself for my child, and that is a selfless act worthy of being noted. 

By all means, if you are a stranger, ask my permission first to take a photograph (like you really should of any person you do not personally know). But don't be afraid to take the picture! Breastfeeding is worthy of the space on your phone, the frame on your wall, and the post on your newsfeed. I am worthy of all of those things too--not despite my breastfeeding, but because of it.

(Thank you to my sister Clarissa for taking this beautiful photo of me!)

Postpartum Depression, Babywearing, and HOPE

In a home in Warren, Massachusetts, a mother stared in disbelief. Her Wrap Converted Mei Tai (WCMT) laid on the floor, frayed and partially eaten by a puppy with rather expensive taste. How could she have left it out? What would she tell the buyer? She shook away the tears coming to her, already overwhelmed with family struggles and the possibility of losing loved ones any day now. She took to her messages to try to explain to the buyer what had happened...

Meanwhile, in a home in Manor, Texas, a mother wept in her husband's arms. She confessed the overwhelming fear, sorrow, rage, and anxiety that had consumed her every thought. How could her husband still love her? Why would anyone think her worthy to care for her children? He brushed the tears from her eyes and promised they would find help to fix the intrusive thoughts and that he would never leave her. Too overwhelmed with her worry to sleep, she took to her messages to try to focus on something good...

The announcement of a new Girasol Exclusive release came this week. Without any background, the design is breathtakingly flawless, though it is not difficult to tell that a deeper story must have inspired such poignant beauty. Risaroo, the company releasing this gorgeous design, offered the following insight to this design: "Our newest Girasol Exclusive, Hope in the Dark, was designed to illustrate, through color, the struggles with postpartum depression." 

Photo from Risaroo's Facebook Page 

The response to this wrap thus far has been astounding. Mothers have spoken up about their own maternal mental illness with a rare openness and confidence than I have ever seen before. They have also begun to share about the babywearing community's role in their journey to recovery. You see, there is something very comforting and healing about physical touch, especially between a mother and her infant. In cases of the "typical" pregnancy, a mother holds her baby in her very womb, nourishing and caring for her little one for nine months. Even for mothers with complete mental health, the separation of mother from child after birth can cause a fair amount of stress and longing. For the mother suffering from postpartum illness of any kind, this stress can multiply tenfold. So, it should come as no suprise, though it is often not considered, that babywearing--the process of using a carrier or wrap to keep one's baby close more often--is beneficial to both mother and infant during the various stages of development after birth.

In the story above, I was, and still am, the mother weeping in her husband's arms. We have sought help, both medicinally and therapeutically, and we take life day by day, thanking God for the good days and reminding ourselves they will come again when the storm of bad days arrive. The mother whose wrap was affected by her precious little puppy did contact the buyer--who happened to be me. She told me she couldn't sell me the carrier, because it was no longer the same as it once was. I asked if the integrity of the carrier had been changed, if it had become unsafe. She assured me it hadn't, that she even had a plan of how to effectively patch up the torn parts and repair it. I began to cry. I told her I would still very much like to have it. Somehow for me it symbolized my own journey through Postpartum Depression: I was torn apart by the experience, but I was getting help to repair myself, and my integrity and ability to care for my children as I had been made to do was not changed. She willingly repaired the carrier and offered to give it to me for any price I could afford, so as not to add to my stress or anxiety. 

My "Perfect for Me" Mei Tai

The Risaroo exclusive Girasol wrap, Hope in the Dark, will be released on September 28th, at 2pm CDT. I am among many women who would love to own something made to represent our very struggles and beauty. The chances of me getting to purchase one, and being able to afford it, are slim. But I know that my HOPE is not found in a single wrap. It is not found in the threads or the color. Instead, as many mothers can attest I am sure, my hope is found in the support of my husband and loved ones. My hope is found in the ability to caryy my baby close to me during times of struggle. And my hope is found in the loving acceptance and encouragement of the babywearing community, represented by many like the mother who sold me that repaired carrier and offered to be there for me, a stranger, whenever I needed a friend.

Thank you.

***If you are concerned about your own maternal mental health, please feel free to check out www.postpartumprogress.com to learn more about the sign and symptoms of illness, and the steps you can take to get better.***

5 Things I'll Trade for Your Wrap

Obviously, I do not have the money to support my babywearing obsession. After all, I'm seeking funds from strangers out of the kindness of their babywearing hearts (feel free to leave a tip above!). So, I started thinking, what would I be willing to trade for a wrap? Here are my top five things I'd be willing to trade...

Don't let this poor baby lay on the floor!
Make a trade today and give this little one the wrap of her dreams!

1) Breastmilk

They say breastmilk is liquid gold, right? If that is really the case, then I've got funds to cover my next ten wraps right here in my freezer! As a selling point, breastmilk is not only edible (for babies or adults, in a bottle or even a cake!), but it has been known to cure pink eye, ear infections, and annoying husbands (just squirt a little in his face the next time he says, "do you really need another carrier?").

2) Baby socks

No, I don't know any of their sizes. No, not a single one will come with its match. But hey, just tell your friends the baby dressed itself, and they'll find those randomly paired socks endearing!

3) Wine bottles

Bottles, bottles everywhere, but not an ounce to drink! Oh, you expected them to be full, you say? I have four daughters, four and under. I actually take my wine via IV now. But for the low cost of one beautiful wrap, you can have a box full of elegant wine bottles that represent the empty space in my mind that was once filled with my sanity.

4) Size 6 jeans

These lovely, barely used jeans are perfect for any person who has not recently had a baby. Have I lost all my baby weight from the last four pregnancies? Why yes! (It was a breastfeeding miracle!) Yet somehow the stretched out flab of belly skin prevents me from fitting into my old jeans without creating the least appetizing muffin top you've ever seen. So by all means, take me up on this wonderful offer, and I will continue to stuff my flab into my maternity pants even though the only baby growing in this belly is made of Oreos!

5) My baby

What? Like you've never considered trading your baby for the wrap you would be carrying her in! Mine is a beautiful little three month old with a full head of hair, she already coos and giggles, and she even sleeps (mostly) through the night! What will I wrap without said baby, you ask? Well, I have plenty of stuffed animals, a dog...but mostly I just want to cover my bed in my stash and roll around in luscious rainbows while my husband is at work!

So, please feel free to let me know if you have a wrap worthy of any of these amazing trades, and we'll talk. 😉