The Cardinal Rules of the BSTs (a.k.a. A History of My BST Mess Ups)

Vocabulary Explanation for this post:
BST = Buy/Sell/Trade
TV/MV = Trade Value/Market Value
FSOT = For Sale or Trade
Stash = Collection of baby carriers
MMAO/MMARO = Make Me An Offer/Make Me A Reasonable Offer
PM = Private Message



A third title to this post could be "My Deeply Apologetic Letter to L.C.", the initials representing the babywearing mama whom I less than tactfully broke one of these rules with when attempting to negotiate a trade once. I did not end up completing the trade, but I did learn a very good lesson. Thankfully, she was kind enough to help me better understand how BSTing works, even after I had been ignorantly disrespectful to her. The only thing that made me feel less guilty was knowing I was not the only newbie on the BST groups to have broken a rule or two. "Babywearers Beware" stories pop up rather regularly, critiquing the tact of buyers or sellers in how they do business. And if you are new to the babywearing community, let me tell you this: it's a small world after all, and you will encounter these babywearing parents again, so choose your interactions wisely.

That being said, if you are new to the world of BSTs, how do you know what is ok and what is not regarding sales and negotiations? Well, that is where this post comes in. This will not cover everything under the sun (and I'm not talking Butterfly Baby Co.), but should give you a strong jumping off point for diving into the BST groups head on! So, read, take notes, and get started on growing that stash!

Read the BST Group Rules

The first thing you should do the moment you join a BST group is read the rules. Every BST group is different, and reading the rules prevents you from pissing off the all-powerful Admin and looking like a dork. Even people who have read the rules once sometimes need a refresher, so don't assume you know it all or that they're all the same. Take the time to do this so your FSOT post isn't deleted before it's read!

Give Full Disclosure When Selling

As a seller, it may be tempting to pretend that tiny coffee stain isn't there, or that you didn't notice the small pull that you're (almost 87%) certain won't affect the safety of the wrap. The thing is though, carriers aren't cheap. Even carriers sold in the budget swap groups are still a pretty penny to the low to middle income family, and they deserve their money's worth. If you know your carrier isn't perfect, say so and explain why. It may not matter to the buyer or it may ruin the sale. But finding out which one beforehand saves you a lot of hassle afterward.

Ask All the Questions Before Buying

Yes, the seller should list all imperfections or concerns in their For Sale posting, but you know what you get for assuming, right? It is up to YOU to make sure YOUR soon-to-be-wrap is everything YOU expect it to be when it arrives. So, ask questions. Request more pictures. In a variety of lighting! Even feel free to get seller's feedback on what they liked or disliked about it. You may not want to create hassle, but remember that this is a big purchase and you want to like what you're paying for.

Be Paypal Ready

In the world of online BSTs, the payment method is pretty standard: Paypal. While this method is not completely fool proof, it does allow for a mostly seamless transaction--as long as you are prepared. Let me put it this way, you wouldn't walk up to the checkout with a cart full of groceries and ask the cashier to hold your items while you go look at your mom's house for your purse. Buying a carrier is no different. It is unfair to the seller and other potential buyers to make an agreement to purchase a carrier, then disappear for hours or days because you need to transfer funds or set up an account. It may result in you being skipped over for a wrap you deeply want or finding yourself the topic of not-so-kind feedback at the end of the day.

Always Use Goods/Services

If you are new to Paypal, then it is easy to think that sending money via Friends or Family (also known as "gifting") is the way to go. After all, no fees equals more money, right? The problem with this mindset is that there is no legal protection if you send or receive money this way. Get your wrap in the mail and find it's more holes than fabric? Send your wrap to a buyer and they suddenly cancel payment? You can submit a claim for any purchase made through Goods and Services! Oh, you sent or received your money through Friends and Family? Oops. Sucks to be you!

Do not question selling price or TV

In the world of BSTs, there will always be the seller that over prices their carrier. Whether they are doing so out of sentimental value, in anticipation for negotiations, or because they simply don't know the value of their wrap, it is important to remember one thing: they get to choose how much value their carrier holds to them. Don't agree with their value choice? Then don't buy it. Interested in buying it but hoping to do so for a slightly lower price? Then phrase your offer this way: "I would love to purchase your wrap but can only afford ______ at this time." or "I am interested in trading your wrap for mine, but am unable to offer more than ____ in paypal at this time." Notice that both of these statements speak to what you are willing to give, instead of stating what you believe you should have to give.

Do Not Post Offers in Comments

Now that you've learned how to make an offer for a carrier, now it's important to know where to make your offer. Just as it is tactless to discuss money in a public social setting (imagine asking someone how much they make in their job at a dinner party), it is also impolite to make an offer or ask if they would take less money in the comments of their post. In fact, many sellers believe it isn't tactful to offer a lower amount unless specifically stated "MMAO" or "MMARO". But if you are very seriously interested and wish to make an offer you can afford, the best way to do this is to write PM in the comments, and send them a private message with your offer of purchase or trade for them to review,

Do Not Low-Ball the Seller

While making an offer in private is more tactful than doing so in public, there is a point when a low offer is too low. Low-Balling the seller is generally considered to be when you make an offer of less than $50 of the stated price or 25% less than priced (for low-budget or high-end priced carriers). While making an offer may be acceptable or encouraged, it is important to recognize that low-balling sends an entirely different message. If you don't believe a wrap is worth the price, don't insult the seller by low-balling. Simply look for a different wrap. The truth is, a low-ball offer tends to say more about the buyer than the seller.

Always Check Feedback Before BSTing

Since the world of BSTs takes place on the oh-so-magical interwebz, chances are you will be doing business with complete strangers. While most of these strangers are your everyday, fellow babywearing enthusiasts, it is important to remember that there may or may not be a bad apple out there trying to take advantage of your naivety. Because of this possibility, it is integral that you check the feedback link of anyone you are considering BSTing with. What is a feedback link? It is a link to an album for people who has done business with a person to leave feedback regarding how that business went! This makes it easier for you to determine if you want to take the risk of BSTing with a specific person. What if a person does not yet have any feedback, you ask? At that point you must decide if you want to do business with someone who is new to the BSTs. The truth is, we all started out with no feedback, and you yourself may not have any yet. But this is another reason why it's good to use Goods and Services. It's simply safer that way.

Always Buy Insurance When You Ship

Whether shipping overnight or standard five-day postal service, it is outright crazy not to spend a few dollars it takes to make sure you'd get your money back if a shipment is lost. The truth is that packages get lost more often than we'd care to admit, and if you only use the $50 insurance that comes with a flat-rate envelope, you may find yourself out $150 if they lose your $200 wrap! Believe me, it's worth the $2-5 worth of insurance to not hold your breath until your wrap makes it from Malibu to Omaha!

Leave Feedback

So you bought or sold your carrier, had a lovely ol' time, and are ready to move on with life, yes? No! It is courteous to always leave feedback on the person's feedback link so others can have an accurate idea of what BSTing with that person was like. In the same manner, it is important to send your feedback link to the person you did business with so they can leave feedback on yours! Don't be afraid to remind them if they don't get to it right away. Feedback help builds your street cred on the BSTs, so it's worth following up on!


If you are already following these rules, then props to you for being awesome! I learned some of these the hard way, and others by reading the stories of fellow babywearers. Hopefully, this list will help you navigate the BSTs like a BOSS from now on!