Hayden Panettiere, Postpartum Depression, and Me

I have a pair of pajama pants that sit in my drawer unused. They are missing the draw string, and their very presence scares me to death, but I will not throw them away.

No one ever told me Postpartum Depression could get that bad. And by "that bad" I mean so bad that your doctor tells your husband you may need to be admitted and your husband is sent home with your children to pack a bag in case you don't come home. So bad that he is told "no drawstrings allowed" and has to choose a pair of pajamas to cut the strings out of so you can have them in case your worst nightmare comes true. I didn't end up being admitted. I came home to find the scissors and string on the counter, and looked at him with all the apologies in the world for what he must have gone through inside having to face this darkness alongside me.

Hayden Panettiere, star of hit television series Nashville, was reported yesterday as voluntarily seeking treatment for her Postpartum Depression, according to People magazine. I have long respected her willingness to discuss her illness on national television, to give a voice to so many parents who feel lost and alone in the darkness of PPD. However, her choice to admit herself for treatment and counseling goes far beyond being an advocate and jumps straight into getting real about how serious PPD really is.

She couldn't handle the darkness on her own. Neither could I. While I ended up coming home that night, her courageous choice to stay leaves me in awe and admiration of her. Seeking help, contrary to societal stigma, is not a sign of weakness but of incredible strength. To choose your health, your family, and life over saving face (especially as a celebrity) deserves a hug and an applause. I wish I could write her a letter, tell her how brave she is and how much support she has, admit my own story as a reminder that she is not alone.

Though I may not be able to write to her, I can write to you. If you have struggled or are currently struggling with maternal mental illnesses, you are not alone. You are not weak. You are not less of a mother. Your illness is not your fate, it is simply an obstacle in your journey. A very real obstacle that requires a daily fight, the ability to ask for help (both medically and personally), and support from loved ones. But it is an obstacle that will go away with help. And your choice to to choose your health, your family, and life makes you one incredibly strong person. One worthy of a hug and applause. Whether you seek help as an outpatient or inpatient, seeking help is never the wrong choice. Know that there is someone here, behind the screen, rooting for you and fighting beside you.

We can beat this. We are worth the fight.